“How deaf would you have to be to not hear that?”
“Very.” – Marty and sister
I’ve been too lazy for WordPress lately. It’s about time I started up again, huh?!
My baby brother woke me up, just now, and I suddenly felt like I should make a blog entry. See… Whenever my baby brother cries, and he’s been crying for a little while (with no one going to see what’s wrong with him) I’ll go and see what the problem is. The thing is… He’s a baby, I have NO idea as to what he wants! He’s like a mute that can make a LOT of annoying noises! So, I stumble towards my parent’s room, my vision blurred, and unable to feel anything from my left thigh down. I walk towards my parent’s bed, where it’s no longer occupied by both my parents, but my baby brother and my mother, and I stand there, assessing the situation. After a good few seconds of wailing, I walk to the end of the bed, climb onto it, and wiggle my way to my brother. He’s lying there, his eyes shut tightly (I couldn’t see too well, but I’m pretty sure that he was closing them pretty tightly) holding onto his pillow, as though it were a matter of life or death, and crying. I sat there, patting his back lightly, giving him a weak back-rub, softly saying in Chinese to not cry over and over, and I couldn’t help but want to cry with him.
I’m not one of those people who can sit with someone, who’s crying, and not cry with them. It’s hard to resist, but I guess it’s just something that I – and probably a lot of other people out there – just have to do. Hearing my brother cry the way he was crying – sometimes blurting out words that my mother and I could make out – I couldn’t help but to feel that… tingle inside of me. It shot up my spine, and back down again, and I nearly lost it. It was ok, though. After a short while longer of patting, stroking, and chanting softly “Sleep” in Chinese, I managed to put my baby brother to sleep again. I sat a while longer with him, just rubbing his back even softer than before, until I was sure he wasn’t going to start crying again. As I sat there, though, my mind began to race, as though it had been turned on again. I started wondering, to myself, if this is what it would be like when I am to have a child of my own…
I’m sure this is a topic that a lot of people would think about, and don’t really talk about. Having a child of your own… I shudder slightly on the inside when I think about this kind of thing. Looking after baby cousins who are always so happy to see you (so happy, in fact, that they’ll literally fight over who gets a piggy-back ride first – and these little guys go for it. They’ll start pulling hair!) is one thing, but to have your own child, and to care for your own child… It’s a completely different thing. I realised something, as I was just lifting my hand from my brother’s back: I have no idea as to how to raise a child. I have no idea at all. I don’t know the proper way to feed a child. I don’t know how to keep a child clean in the right way. I don’t know how to read the signs that a child may be giving when it cries. I don’t know how to change it. I don’t know what to do when something bad happens to it. If I were in a situation that involved my child, obviously I’d naturally want to protect it, and make sure no harm comes to it. That’s what males do. We protect things. Sure, I can protect it, but how do I keep it alive?! I feel kind of useless because I don’t know so much.
This should be enough for now. I realise it’s not complete, but I’m starting to feel sleepy again. I don’t want to lose an opportunity to fall asleep.
Good night readers.